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Thinking about who I am inside myself, not knowing what to do in this crazy life, in this world to come. Seen things I never seen before, with my own two eyes. Sometimes I wonder what the world is going be like 10 years from now. It is going be the same old thing every time you step outside, people going to be talking about somebody got shot . I'm so tired of hearing the same old thing, like nothing new in this world. Living in a world and how things be happening all the time, going to happen, without even knowing it.
Thinking about myself, and what I'm going to do to live my life, not going to worry about nothing, just me and I. I only have one life so I have to make the best of it, but when its my time to leave this earth, I want to become an angel to help people with their problems that need to be solved. I want to live my life with happiness and love and respect to myself. I see so many things in my life that I never seen before. What more can I say that I already have not said before hearing about people getting killed?
Is that what life is all about? No, it's not more than seeing things that happen all most every day of this world that I live in, I should say that everybody lives in. Time to live life and be strong and walk tall and stand proud of myself. I don't get how people think that everything is going be alright in this world. You never know whats going happen in this world. I hurt every time I see and hear about somebody gettng killed or things like that.
I don't want to live in a world with hurt and sadness. It's just too much to think about and hear about things that be happening. We live in this world to be here and live our life, but how can we do that when some body is always going around killing people? How can we not be scared when somebody is always going around killing people? When is it going away? I don't think it's going to stop. It's just going to keep going. I wish I could live in a world with not so much killing. I wish I could change the things that go on in this world .
I feel like it's just matter of time when it's too late to stop this killing in this world. What is it going take for a person to stop killing people in this world that don't need to be killed ? I want a life, that's all I want to do, live my life and be happy. We only live one, and we should be able to live our life for as long as we can, because once you're gone, you won't be coming back, and that's the truth about this life of pain and hurt and sadness of this world that we live in.
"Every Single One of Us has a Devil Inside."
INXS, Australian Rock Band.
Cats don’t always land on their feet.
During sunny afternoons the cat laid on the fresh dirt. It was the perfect opportunity to catch it and experiment with its flexibility and skills of landing on its feet as well as its ability to walk on two feet like a wheelbarrow. I used to spend some weekends with my maternal grandmother, and there was a cat. It really like laying on the sun, and it would change position every now and then to warm up its flexible and furry body under a mango tree where there was no grass but a cool patch of dirt.
The mango tree was the entrance to my grandmother’s garden where she planted roses, vegetables, and flowers. There was always some type of scent from her garden and vegetables. She used the tomatoes and the squash to cook delectable concoctions. I can’t remember the color of the cat or its age, but I can remember playing with it and finding out that at some point it felt hurt, and it sure did let me know. Holding its back legs up and making it walk like a wheelbarrow was the way I played with it, until it was able to free itself from my firm hands either by wiggling or clawing, and run away. I couldn’t catch it anymore.
Another way of discovery was to toss the cat in the air with a twisting motion and watch it turn in the air trying to fall on its feet. It would be successful sometimes, but not always. After many repeated experiments I was able to discover that the cat didn’t like it, and sometimes it would make noises that expressed pain. When the cat would hiss at me as I got close to it, I realized that, although it couldn’t speak to me, it was telling me to stay away. The way I interacted with it was not welcome. It took me all this time to understand what my aunt would say to me when I played with the cat.
“If you treat the cat like that, it’s not gonna like you anymore!”
I always responded, “Look! It likes it.”
She would continue, “You’ll see…”
Cold blooded reptiles.
Another experience that helped enable the paradigm shift in regards to animal feelings occurred in the backyard of my childhood home. In the far right corner of the small flower garden was my laboratory, protected by a half brick wall where nobody could see me. I experimented by injecting “potions” into small reptiles such as lizards and frogs. Then I observed how they reacted to it. In the absence of my parents, I went into the medicine cabinet and collected a series of ingredients and tools for my experiment. Since my mother worked at a hospital, I had access to syringes. I then proceeded to boil the ingredients on the kitchen stove to create a potion. I would proceed to catch small reptiles in the backyard and inject them with this potion and trap them in a box or pot to watch them react. Sometimes it would be immediate, sometimes I would leave them there and come back later or next day to see what happened. I quickly realized that most of them died or went missing. The thought of their family member waiting for them at home made me very sad since I couldn’t do anything for them.
Both these experiences made me realize that just as people have feelings and families, so do animals. And although the cat couldn’t tell me that he didn’t like to be tossed in the air or the lizards and frogs didn’t ask me not inject them with random mixtures, their reaction spoke louder. As an adult I am very sensitive to animal cruelty in lab animals and using them for entertainment such as fighting dogs or racing greyhounds. Although I acted wrong towards animals early in my childhood, I don’t blame myself much for what I did as I was merely experimenting with my environment. However, I don't look back at those memories of my sadism without feeling twinges of embarrassment and remorse.
From the first time we started talking you were so into me. Now that you know me and how I am, you seem like you don't want to be with me and this just seem like you say one thing and then you do another. I'm so confused I feel like I should just let you go, and let me do me, cause I can't deal with this confusion to myself. What more do you want from me? I told you everything about me, and you still don't get it. I feel like you are the one that's confused and moving too fast. This is not the end. I'm just getting started about how you make me feel. About me, you can pick and choose what you want to do but at the end I'm still going to be me. I can't wait too long for you to pick what you want, so. I told you I'm one of a kind, you're not going find no one like me, and that's the bottom line right here and right now, this is who I am; stop waiting and go for it, then again you're just going be waiting to be with that girl and I'm going be gone. This is the reason why I really don't have time to wait an see what I really want. That's why I just don't even have time to pick and choose what I want in a relationship, cause like this, I be single, and don't have time to be messed with. That's the bottom line of how I am inside of me, why pick and choose when you have someone that really wants to be with you? Well that's the end I'm done. Peace, out.
You say I'm addicted to you. I'm not addicted to you because I don't think of you all the time; I don't wanna be around you everyday . I don't wanna be addicted to you because I'm not really into you like you think I am. You say my actions speak louder than my words, but you feel like I'm addicted to you, like you have something on me, but you really don't know me; all you know is my actions speak louder than my words; I say that's all you know about me. I feel like you can read me like a book, but you really don't have the whole story about me like you think you do. I am more than you think I am; this seem so weird an crazy, 'cause you say I'm addicted to you, but you really can't even get a clue about me, 'cause you don't have the whole story. So you need you to find out the whole story about me before you say I'm addicted you, 'cause this is me. What I'm saying about you, what I feel is: YOU are addicted to ME; that's what I'm feeling and thinking. You say I'm addicted?
like little kids playing in the sand box.
We would play all day long until the dark time
We would laugh so hard until
our stomachs would hurt so bad inside.
We would share so many things
when we where little kids
like one time those days there were good days
when we were so close together.
We would take silly pictures together
just to be silly the days and months
I'd seen you grow up with me.
We were like apples sitting in a tree
Outside where the rain comes,
that's how it used to be those days,
I watch you from a baby to a kid
Now well I should say a tall kid
'cause you grew so much in my life.
Times got hard not to see you
when I went away.
I never forgot about those days
we laughed and played like we used to be
closer then ever, little kids playing in the sand box,
having a good time.
The days that pass by I'm still missing you
never stop that I love you so much from
the very first time I had seen you into my life.
How I miss the times when
We were so little or should I say I was tall
and you were little the good times
we had together
little kids in the sand box having the time of their life!!!
For my sister Ariana . Love, Che'neka
